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Dear Aunty,

We’re halfway through a project and I think the Art Director is going to kill the Technical lead. We can’t get through a day without constant sniping, terse words or snippy emails cced to the whole office.

Yesterday, the technical lead poured his slush puppy over the art director’s head and unplugged his laptop in the middle of a presentation causing the art director to cuss wildly about the cost of his suit and the state of his hair. It didn’t help that the client was sitting in the meeting room watching the presentation at the time.

Is there any advice for this? I’m the PM by the way.

Cheechilla Chong

—

Dear Ms Chong

Lordy lordy lordy. I don’t think you need a clipboard, I think you need a naughty step and a bullwhip. What a zoo. As the PM, you are responsible for how a client perceives your team to a point. There is a general consensus that the team should always form a united front to the client especially under pressure. Bad behaviour from senior team members such as these two are should not be tolerated and an apology to the client is in order. However, if the quality of work that is produced is brilliant and you can palm this behaviour off as part of the ongoing creative-development process especially when working with people of this calibre then I suggest you go with the flow, install hose-able walls/floors in your meeting room and provide the client with waterproof clothing, drinks and popcorn on their next visit.

Recommended meeting behaviour when with clients

• Writing notes. Always impressive as it appears you are recording whatever the speaker says. Whatever you do with them later is up to you - you could be writing your grocery list or a letter to your mom.
• Smile and nod at speaker periodically to let them know you are in agreement and you are: ‘on the same page’. It should be noted that there is such a thing as too smiley in a meeting - it can appear a little creepy.
• Appear alert. Be careful with ‘too alert’ - this indicates a substance overload.
• Have paper with you: Any supporting information about the meeting - a copy of the meeting agenda is a start. A copy of ‘Hello’ magazine isn’t.

Not recommended

• Noisy, smelly food or food you’ve brought yourself unless you offer to share.
• Doodling obscene cartoons and passing them around.
• Falling asleep.
• Attempting complicated origami projects.
• Home projects:, garment mending, buttonholes, scrapbooking.
• Reading a book or magazine – see above.
• Taking calls on your mobile phone then saying stuff like : ‘hunny-wunny’ and ‘diddums’.
• Messaging/checking emails/surfing the internet.
• Playing a Wii game – all that arm waving is a bit distracting.

Original post by FreelanceSwitch.com

Dear Aunty Entity,

I’m convinced my client hates me

I took over an account from someone who had been with the client for 3 years and they were disgruntled about them going. The last few weeks have been difficult in terms of establishing a relationship and getting things done because of this negative vibe. Today when I phoned to ask about an approval for something I got yelled at before having the phone slammed down on me.

Am I being paranoid and how can I get out of this?

Nora Para

* * *

Dear Nora,

Inheriting a client from someone who had developed a relationship over a significant amount of time is difficult. It takes time to gain trust and for them to develop their own level of confidence in you.
As for the nasty phone exchange, people have bad days and it may be entirely unrelated to you: maybe their car broke down, maybe they ruined their best pair of shoes, maybe they got bad news that morning and you just caught them at a bad time.

Then again, sometimes you just have to admit it: ‘your client doesn’t like you’.

It’s one of the worst things in the world when this happens because, especially in the project management or client services world it is your job to get along with everyone and yup, it’s nearly always personal.

I don’t think there is ever a textbook way of dealing with hostility because it really depends on you, your personality and your working methods. It takes time to build trust and a relationship. If you are able to, quietly working on their project/account and taking care of things in the background while keeping them up to date can convey a sense of reliability and you may find their attitude softening once they see what a good job you are doing. Attention to detail, a courteous and professional manner at all times can only help here and it’s probably a good idea to behave as if that phone call never took place.

However, if the hostility continues to the point where it is affecting the ability to do your job sometimes it is best to cut your losses and move to another account or disengage yourself from the relationship if you have the luxury of being able to do so.

Just remember – for every client you feel hates you, there are sure to be a couple who will sing your praises. It’s just the way it rolls.

Aunty Entity

* * *

Surviving meetings, part two:

(See part one here.)

Game: Phrases that should have stayed behind in the 80s.

Stuck in a meeting for hours?
Finding staying awake and alert a problem?
Snoring, dribbling and falling off your chair are not advisable and potentially job-threatening actions.
Keep alert by playing: ‘spot the meeting cliché’ *

* various iterations of the game are well known ie: bullshit bingo

You’ll need:

• Meeting room. Preferably over designed with numbingly uncomfortable chairs and at least one piece of artwork guaranteed to make your eyes water.
• Meeting attendees. Extra points allocated for any or all of the following: Ponytails on men, crumpled linen jackets, bow ties, PowerPoint presentations including graphs, flip charts, socks in colours other than standard grey, black or navy, more than 4 x blackberrys on the table at any one time. Note: the more senior the meeting attendees, the better the chances of meeting clichés.
• Note-taking, refreshments or reasons for holding said meeting are optional extras

Points:

Score two points for each phrase uttered. 4 points if two phrases are mentioned within the space of 5 minutes.

2 – 8 points: generally allowable, though cliché sources should be treated with utter disdain

8 - 12 points: approaching a high level of bullshit and waffle. Resist the temptation to beat speaker with blunt instrument repeatedly until they stop talking/breathing.

12+ points: cliché alert. Have the speaker run for Head of State, CEO of a global corporate or establish an internet start-up company.

Meeting clichés:

• On the same page
• Take offline
• Think outside the square/box
• Talk me through it
• Blue sky
• Best practice
• Singing from the same hymn-sheet
• Paradigm
• Moving the goalposts
• At the end of the day
• Comfort zone
• Win-win situation
• Rock the boat
• Core competency
• Action item
• Touch base
• Synergy

And finally – how often do you hear this:

“I’m in a meeting”

We all know you are NOT you liar. You’re chatting to your mates, in the queue at McDonalds, on the bus, texting your boyfriend/girlfriend, emailing your mother or reading this blog.

Original post by FreelanceSwitch.com

Dear Aunty Entity

I recently started with a new client on a project. As well as normal project management duties I attend at least two hourly client meetings a week and spend as much time again on the phone. As the project is potentially a long-term one I can see a lot of unpaid hours stacking up already. How much can I charge back as a project manager and do you have any tips on how I should present these to the client?

Flat Eric

Dear Mr Eric

Whatever made you think that meetings and phone calls are not part of a project manager’s duties? Unless you have agreed to a fixed fee, billable time can be defined as any task you undertake for a client as part of the project. For instance, if you attend a meeting at a client’s request it is perfectly fine to charge for this. Phone calls and email communication are necessary and time-consuming co-ordination tasks relating to your job as are tasks such as archiving and filing.

When billing time comes, itemizing tasks on your invoice will help the client understand what they are being charged for — these will also illustrate that you follow processes in managing your client projects.

However, thought should be given task descriptions. Charging for dry-cleaning and subway order pickup is probably a tad much for many clients to swallow.

Meetings: a project manager’s guide

It’s Monday morning at 8am and it’s only 2 hours since (delete as applicable):

• You got off a 14 hour flight and spent 45 minutes being strip-searched by Stalin in a skirt and white gloves.
• You got your 2 yr old off to sleep after 8 hours, 24 minutes and 5 seconds of non-stop shrieking which had next door calling the social services
• You stopped puking sufficiently from gastrointestinal bug you picked up Thursday, to have a shower and put on a suit
• You woke up under a bar 25k from your home town and found cigarette butts in your ears ….. only to find/remember/be told you have been booked into a project meeting in 15 minutes

A guide to participants

1. Clients: Generally these are the guys with the money. While most of them are wise to suppliers overtly sucking up to them, trashing their abilities, ideas or making snide comments about their hair or shoes is a bad career/invoicing opportunities move.
2. Colleagues: These are the people you work with. Depending on their job title they can really make or break your day. Recommend treating as participant 1.
3. Blamestormers: Usually found in project meetings when something has gone wrong. Like to divert attention from their own uselessness by drawing attention to the inadequacies of other team members, suppliers, the budget, the brief or even client haircut. Try and sit as far away from them as possible once identified.
4. Pixel pushers: Will labor over the most fatuous of details for hours. Bad news if they are your boss or the client. There was a widely documented example in Sheffield, UK in 1995 where a Mrs Celia Smith managed to string out a brochure copy meeting to stretch 2 years, 3 months and 27 days, after which the project was dropped as the publisher had decided to switch to online media.
5. Jobsworths: Usually identified once task allocation begins. It’s not their job to do their job so they will happily argue for 2.5 hours to avoid 15 minutes of extra work
6. The Bulldozer: Favored method of negotiation is to talk louder and louder over meeting participants to get his/her point across. You get the feeling that if the building was on fire they’d be the first ones stomping on your head to get to the emergency exit
7. Yes-people: Usually identified once decisions are being made. Will agree to anything along with the majority even if they don’t understand. One now-famous yes-man was surprised to find he’d signed the deeds to his house over to a camel with a foot fetish if he missed the first project milestone.
8. Developers: Sometimes very vocal if technical or functionality changes are discussed. Tread carefully unless you understand the finer intricacies of code. Can often be identified by coffee cups displaying witty coding ‘in-jokes’ or frontal shots of Lara Croft.
9. Creatives: Sometimes legends in the workplace, often legends in their own living room. Like developers, handle with care. Experience tells me that the more senior they are the more likely they are to operate on a short fuse. Could be amusing or a nightmare to watch depending on the level of your hangover.
10. 404s: The ones with the vacant expressions on their faces for no good reason. 404s could fall into any category so identify with care. If 404s are unusually good-looking, expensively dressed or are related to the client/boss then their reason for being should remain unquestioned.

Best excuses for missing a deadline:

1. My goldfish died
2. I consulted my astrologist this morning and she said: ‘do not deliver the project today or else the cosmos will realign with malevolent forces’
3. A horde of locusts descended on my laptop yesterday where the site was stored and ate it. I didn’t have a backup copy
4. I only woke up from a 24 day coma this morning
5. I went to the beach instead
6. Your project? I have more important clients than YOU
7. Aliens have invaded my body. They did not tell me about a deadline
8. I made you brownies instead – these ones have real chocolate chips in
9. Are you sure you have the right person?
10. Deadline? What deadline?

Original post by FreelanceSwitch.com

Dear Aunty Entity

I’m project managing a large project for a client who, although are the nicest bunch of people, are so disorganised that sometimes I can wait three months for payment. Although I have steady work and not a lot of time to spare for other clients, two minute noodles more than 5 times a week is getting to be beyond a joke.

What can I do to get paid on time?

Cassy Stoner

Dear Cassy

Not getting paid on time is unfortunately one of the biggest problems freelancers face. Being the norm doesn’t make it right but instead of feeling powerless there are some things you can try to make sure your invoice stays in the front of the queue.

But first think about this: unless you work for two people and their cat in a garage, chances are your invoices go to that big holding pattern in the sky called ‘accounts’. If you are one of those people who joke about people going into accounts, disappearing for an indeterminate period of time before reappearing as a grey shell of their former selves then think of what can happen to your invoice.

You need to ensure your document includes all required information so that the person who says: ‘time is money, Jones’, has no excuse to put it in the ‘too hard’ basket on his way to catch the 4.45pm to the suburbs only to tell you that the invoice was never received when you phone up about it 5 months later.

Things to include on your invoice (may seem obvious to some but you’d be surprised):

• Your name
• Client name and project name if relevant
• Date of invoice
• Tax number/VAT/GST registration numbers if applicable
• Invoice number (for your/their records)
• Amount owing - clearly
• Itemise the invoice if relevant ie: copy writing, content management, project management rather than ‘stuff for that red and swirly green website for that breadhead bank’
• If there are job codes for certain tasks, use them

Other things you can do are:

• Invoice regularly and at the same time. If your client gets to expect your invoice at a certain time of the month/week this also helps manage expectations. Ask your client if they’d prefer a bi-weekly, weekly or monthly invoice from you if it makes it easier to pay.
• Smaller amounts are less frightening than larger lump sums. So don’t save up your invoice until the end of the project. Submit invoices regularly as agreed with your client.
• Keep track of your invoices by whatever means – spreadsheet, written ledger etc. If you don’t no one else will.
• Submitting a timesheet with your invoice (Excel will do), also lessens the chance of a query on hours when it’s itemised for people to see.
• Communicate. Grumbling to friends and colleagues doesn’t get your invoice paid. You need to talk to the people making the payment. A friendly reminder by email helps but it’s best to ask in person.
• If you are the project manager then you will probably be involved or at least be across the financials of the project. If you know that invoices to the project client are being submitted/paid on a regular basis then there is no reason why it shouldn’t flow through to you. If you are on friendly terms with the project client you can help by gently reminding them that the last invoice is overdue or ready for payment.

Dear Aunty Entity

I’ve started freelancing at a very hip agency. Unfortunately, my homemade cheese sandwich in greaseproof paper gets sneered at every day.

I’ve just started so I don’t have the money for the expensive sushi lunches the other PMs seem to have daily.

Should I change my tack to fit in and look as cool as the other staff?

Attila Hunny

Dear Attila

Agencies can be snooty places, full of fashion wannabes and people with trumped up senses of self importance because they work in an office with a foosball table or copies of Wallpaper nonchalantly strewn around the place.

Those sneery thin, black-clad members of staff proudly unwrapping their soft shell crab rolls while you’re humbly tucking in to your sanger are thin for one reason. They just spent most of their poxy day’s wage on their lunch just to look cool. So, if you’re still there in a few weeks time and swan in with the latest laptop gadget…. just look a little closer and see the little holes in that sleek prada jumper they have on. Hell, I’ve eaten cold baked beans out of the can at some gigs – that ensures no one harasses you in the afternoon.

Happy freelancing.

Original post by FreelanceSwitch.com

Dear Aunty Entity

I’m just starting a project for a new client. We are having our first meeting in a few days time to make introductions and formally kick start the work.

Do you have any tips for making a good impression, conducting a successful; meeting or questions to ask? Are there any follow-up ideas you could pass on? I’m going with the art director and lead developer.

Thanks
Monitor Lizard

Dear Monitor

Meeting a new client is like having an interview. Even if the relationship is established with other members of the team, they do not know you or have experience of working with you. The project manager is usually one of the key points of contact so it’s important to start off on the right note. Appreciation of your de-constructivist wardrobe, piercing preferences, your quirky sense of humour and dating status can develop at a more leisurely pace once you are on your way to developing the relationship.

A ‘ticklist’ for client meetings might be as follows:

1. Set an agenda: This plans the time available to ensure everything you need to cover is done so. An email with bullet points is often fine especially for smaller projects.
2. Be punctual: Arriving 10 minutes late for an interview is not a good look. The same applies to a client meeting. If you are unavoidably detained, make sure you have the client’s contact number so you are able to call with an estimated time of arrival.
3. Make notes: A client likes to think their thoughts, queries and opinions have been listened to.
4. Follow up with a contact report: Capturing main points discussed and actions to be taken shows the client that you have listened and take their project seriously.
5. For initial team meetings, a useful document to circulate to team members is a contact list of all people on the project and their roles. This helps to ensure the right people are contacted throughout the lifecycle of the project.

Making a contact report:

Even if you’re one person on a small project, it’s just as viable to generate a contact report as a member of a larger team. This is a record of anything agreed in that meeting plus will clearly show responsibilities for tasks.

A contact report should include the following information:

1. Date of meeting
2. Client name
3. Project name
4. Present: client side
5. Present: your side
6. An overview of the main points of discussion
7. A list of any tasks agreed, person allocated to and date of completion required by. For subsequent contact reports, tasks can be carried over if they have not been completed.

Dear Aunty Entity, What is the correct way to address a former boss at a social function.

Miss Mills

Dear Miss Mills

How you address a former employer will depend on how you left your former place of employment.

It’s true that there are grudges held on both sides for whatever reason. However, at a social gathering it would be bad form to let a personal grievance mar the occasion. Keep in mind that you also don’t know who may be watching (future client/employer perhaps?). Physical violence should never be used but if you really can’t avoid it at least make the display look like a convincing one.

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Original post by FreelanceSwitch.com